I Do Not Dare To Touch It!!!

Wowww!!! It has been 2 years and 4 months time flies. It has been 2 years and 4 months I'm having this scar from the Lower Section Caesarean Section (LSCS)!!! To be honest, the second picture is almost exactly how my scar looks like! Serik??? In Shaa Allah tidak...:-)... Takut??? In Shaa Allah tidak... Bukan cakap nak membangga diri ataupun nak kelihatan seolah-olah riak... Jauh sekali. Tidak terlintas langsung di hati. I am proud of the scar and I feel lucky and thank Allah SWT for all this. 

Ooopsss beforehand, I would like to stress that's not my real picture and showing my aurat to you yeah? I borrowed it from Google. :-). Tak naklah nanti jadi isu kan? Pictures of this kind, I would rather borrow from Google and explain. Agagagaga... 

Eventhough, almost 3 years had passed, I want to make a confession here... Ha ha ha... Up till today, I-me-myself do not dare to touch the scar line with my own fingers!!! Seriously... Yadaa yadaa yadaa... There must be people rolling their eye balls and saying that... "Like duhhh!!! Dah lama laaaa... Why so paranoid???"... Mak aiii... Lain orang lainlah kan? Mana nak sama... I ni memang penakut doktor, jururawat, hospital, klinik and so on so forth. The scariest thing is surgery!!! Bila dah melalui sendiri... Tu dia... 

Alhamdulillah, hati ni cekal dan tabah demi anak semasa undergone all those things the last 2 years and 4 months. Alhamdulillah, masa tu tenang jer menghadapi. Dari dalam operation theathre sampailah ke bahagian jururawat tekan-tekan perut selepas surgery untuk keluarkan darah-darah beku (just imagine that you had a long line of cut yang masih basah then the nurse pumping your tummy? seriau tak?) sampailah kena bangun a day after (I still remember how hard it is for me to wake up from the hospital bed and walk to the toilet)... Memang you kena jalan sendiri dan you kena buang air kecil at least thrice before dibenarkan pulang ke rumah. Sampailah ke memandu sendiri setelah 5 hari and bla bla bla... Change your dressing segala bagai. All that... Alhamdulillah, I've managed to go through it. What's inside my mind and keeping me motivated was that... If other people can do it? Why not me right? I'd rather to have a part of my tummy cut than having a cut and stitches down there... Owhhh that one I couldn't imagine. 

Ahhh yesss! Frankly confessing here... I am totally scared of normal birth and since day one when I was expecting, I keep on talking to myself that, if I were given the options to chose which way I would want to deliver Iman Firash, I would opt for caesearean. See??? Allah SWT is listening... True enough due to complication I had no other options besides undergone the surgery. So? Moral of the stories? Becareful of what you wish for as for sure Allah SWT is always listening to us and what our hearts are saying... 

Getting back on track to the story.. :-)... Honestly, frankly and truthfully... Again... I would want to confess that I would not ever-ever dare to touch that area of mine. Exclusively only that area... Even after years... I've had no issues, if Allah permits me to expect once again and I have to undergo another series of LSCS... In Shaa Allah... I am ok with it! Just that... Ha ha ha... Just want to express myself that I do not dare to touch the scar irregardless it looks heal and irregardless of how many surgery that I have to go through. 

Why? Entahlah... It is just that I feel not really comfortable to touch it and maybe lack of confidence kot? Ha ha ha... I saw my mom always chill when she's touching her caesarean scar... Uhuksss... Lainlah kan? It has been 33 years already since Dr.Hamid Arshat took me out from my mom tummy kannn? 

Sometimes, I do wonder... Possibly until when I will have the courage to touch it? La la la la la... I believe those moms out there who undergone the caesarean way of birth would pretty much understand what I am thinking... May Allah give me the courage to touch it one fine day! Ha ha ha...