Jam di dinding terus berdetak ahhh... Kakiku juga terus berjalan ahhh... 😂 #ehhh ternyanyi pula kan? Assalamualaikum... 24th November 2016 @ 11:30 am, I will officially turn 34. As of now, (when I am typing this entry), I am:
To be exact I am 33 years 11 months 13 days 13 hours and 25 minutes which equals to 12,417 days. Alhamdulillah, syukran Allah! While 30 was epic, 33 years was a bit of rollercoaster ride: ups, downs, highs, lows. There were some tears of frustration, moments of uncertainty. But! There was also a lot (A LOT) of laughs, new smile formed - these all hold more weight than gold in my eyes.
It has been a whirlwhind of a year. The past few months have been rough but I am working through it. Every year on my birthday, I try to sit and reflect on what I have learned and also ponder to where I want to be going and how I can make my life better. I am still learning and growing and I think that is what we all should be doing. I don't want to find myself just being complacement. This year I have learned and am learning more tha I have in my entire 34 years of life and so by the peak of 33, by the end of 33, what I have learned in my 33 years old through the years and continue to learn... this is what I can tell you...
I Worry Way Too Much
And for what? I can't change the past and I can't predict or control the future. I need to live in the now.
I Learned That People Change
No matter how bad you want certain people to act a certain way you are not in control over anyone but yourself.
Not To Expect
It's a sad truth. If you expect things to be a certain way or expect people to act a certain way you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.
Not Everyone Is Going To Do The Same For You
That just because you treat other people the way that you want to be treated and maybe treat them as you yearn to be treated, it's just reality that not everyone is going to do the same to you, as sucky as that feels.
Go and Get It Yourself
That if you want something in life, you are going to have to go and get it yourself because no one is going to do it for you or hand it to you on a silver platter. 😉
You Are Your Own Advocate
That you are your own advocate. You need to fight for what you need and want. Even though that does not mean you are going to get it. You still have to try.
Believe In Chances
I learned that I truly believe in chances. I believe that everyone deserves one. And I am grateful for being on the giver end of forgiveness and chances.
Recovery and Slips Up Do Happen
I have learned that recovery is possible and slips up do happen and that is ok because tomorrow is a new day with new chances and opportunities to make things right.
Mental Illness Suck Badly
That mental illness suck badly and chances are that every single day I am alive I will have to fight against them but that will only make me a stronger person. I have a mental illness for a reason and I have to find ways to use them in a positive way.
Very Little Trust For People Anymore
That I have very little trust for people anymore. But I know, that if I don't really hard to trust I will be sad and really won't enjoy life to the fullest. Taking chances on people can have a good or bad outcome but I don't trust again than I know I am going to miss out on the good too. And that is just as scary to me. I missed out on enough life because I have not trusted.
Make Your Personal Life Choices Off
A HUGE lesson for me has been to not make your personal life choices off what anyone thinks is best for you. Those people don't have to live with the consequences of your actions and may not even be around to see them. I'd be friendless, homeless and pretty miserable. Make the right choice for you. You are the one who is going to have to live with it.
That People That Want To Be In My Life Will Make A Way to Be.
That People's Tones Show A Lot About Their Heart.
Way of Thinking
That the way of thinking that I have had 33/34 years does not mean it was right and that the bubble I have lived my entire life was well beyond ready and needing to be popped. As painful as it has been to see that I have been missing out on a world I never knew existed, I look forward to the new world ahead of me. I am eternally grateful to the people of showing me that and for being patient with me through the process.
Respect And Trust Is Earned And Is A Two Way Street.
We Are All Created Differently, We All Think Differently, We All Love Differently
That just because I may not choose a certain lifestyle, look, belief or agree with you politically, that does not mean I don't have to try to understand you. And if I don't understand, that does not mean I can't accept you. We are all created differently, we all think differently, we all love differently. We are all the only one of us and I believe that we are all special beyond what we know or feel. That just because we ma believe differently that does not make one of us right or wrong, just different. That none of us has the right to judge anyone else. I believe that we can all in some ways live in harmony with each other.
Smile Or Laugh
That it drives me nuts in a good way, that when I am avoiding laughing or smiling because I am in a bad mood, Iman Firash always has a way of making me do just that. Smile or laugh.
Everything Takes Time
That everything takes time. Sometimes, lots of time and instant gratification is not always reality.
That All I Can Do Is My Best.
I Can't Go Back And Change Anything
That I can't go back and change anything I have done, all I can do is learn from the decisions I have made.
Random Act of Kindness
That doing random act of kindness probably make me happier than the person receiving one. There are always opportunities every single day to do one random act of kindness for someone. That I have never ever been disappointed giving. And that sometimes the person you think is less deserving of one, is probably who needs it the most. It is truly better to give than to receive. Life is not about waht you have, it's about what you give. It's not about what you can always get out of life or people but what you can contribute to your communities and to the people around you.
That Sleep Is A Gift.
No One Can Force Me
That no one can force me to choose life, which has got to come from within me. No one can save me, only Allah have that power. But what can they do is stand beside me, encourage me, love me and help me to try to make the right decisions. I know I have to let them do that because I know I can't do it alone.
Actions ALWAYS Speak Louder Than Words.
That I have an immense desire to help, love, want and make other people smile. Even though some people may take advantage on that, I can't let them steal my desire or passion to make this world a better place.
That I can't live my life always waiting for the next "let down". You can never truly enjoy or live life to the fullest thinking that way.
I have learned that I may not have a ton of friends but I have a few of them that make life so much more fun and fulfilling. My belief in what a true friend has changed over the years and I truly think I get what they are now. I would do just about anything for them and I know they probably do the same for me. I know that I am blessed beyond measure for them and for once in my life I'd like to not ruin that.
I Can't Expect
I can't expect people to love me that way I want them too. They can only love me the way they know how and with they are capable.
Iman Firash Complete Me
That Iman Firash really complete me. At night when I stare at him all I can do is cry because I am more than thankful that Allah SWT saw fit to bless me with him. He is the most precious gifts beyond my life that I could never ever be given. I'm not perfect but he loves me anyway.
Ha ha ha... 😂 I could go on forever about what I am grateful for and what I have learned. This year has been such an eye opener for me and as hard as it has been it has been just as rewarding. I look forward to the next year, In Shaa Allah dengan izin Allah and hope that I continue to grow and progress in the best of me I can be. I never want to quit learning even though through learning and growth can hurt, I know it's a necessity.
Syukran Allah for the 34 years of life that Allah has granted me. It is by Allah grace, love and Allah's will that I am here. I also wanted to honor my mom on the day that everyone honors me. Mama… congratulations for being an awesome Mama, making it this far and going through all the struggles that I know you go through to get your baby girl through another year safely. It really isn’t “my day” is it? It’s the anniversary of the day where my mom endured pain, anxiety and looked the fear of the unknown in the eye, all to bring me into this world. It’s not a day to celebrate my life – it’s a day to celebrate the life that my mom made possible. As we carry forward in our own mothering adventures, we suddenly begin to see the wisdom in our parents we didn’t realize was there before.
Smiles and frowns, laughs and cries, give and take, ups and downs, good times and bad...thanks for being my rock through this tops turvey journey called life. I love you husband.
Around this date years ago, you came into my life. Becoming a mother to such a beautiful son touched me in a way that nothing else in life can. Mommy loves you Iman Firash!
My sincere appreciation for all of the wonderful phone calls, text messages, What's App and social media posts that I've received for my birthday! It definitely made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Since it is my birthday, I have looked in the mirror, and found that it is not so bad! 😝 I can still pretend to be few years younger, than I actually am! Happy Birthday to Me!